Unbaptised

They taught me to sit
Hands flat
Back straight
Eyes down
Recite the rules
Like prayers
Till my own name
Felt wrong in my mouth
I wore their words
Like tight
Fitted shame
Every heartbeat hidden
Under layers they chose

But the dark knows
What daylight edits out
Every secret wanting
Every buried shout

After midnight
I belong to me
Every hunger
Every hurt set free
Bring my body back to me
Desire and hunger now drive me
I lay down all my guilt and shame
Love myself like fire on my skin
Night is mine
My sovereign
Wild terrain
I am here
Unhidden by their shame

I wipe off the script
Like mascara tears
In the gas-station mirror
At the edge of night
Tracing new borders
With my fingers
Soft
Then certain
Becoming
No apology
For wanting what I want
For touching where it aches
For haunting my own haunt

In the hush
I hear
My pulse keep time
To a law that lives
Beneath their lies

After midnight
I belong to me
Every hunger
Every hurt set free
Bring my body back to me
Desire and hunger now drive me
I won't bow to borrowed guilt again
Love myself like fire on my skin
Night is mine
My sovereign
Wild terrain
I am here
Unhidden by their shame

Raise your scars
Like flags
Like teeth
Every line they drew
I now cut through
They can keep their day
Clean and small
We will carve ourselves
Underneath it all
No saints
No masters
Just breath and sweat
And skin that's mine

After midnight
I belong to me
Every hunger
Every hurt set free
Bring my body back to me
Desire and hunger now drive me

I won't silence what I am again
Love myself like fire on my skin
Night is mine
My sovereign
Wild terrain
I am here
Unbroken in my heat

After midnight
I belong to me
Fierce and soft
Defiant
Wild
And free

Words & music by Nikita Monday.